I am a fool. I am the fool for everyone. I am the fool you can ignore and laugh about behind closed doors. I am the pathetic whelp no one takes seriously.
I may be loved, but I'm no one's favorite. My sibling can be as horrendous, rude, weak, cowardly, fake, cruel as she likes, but she is the one. She is the golden child that I couldn't possibly compete with. There's nothing I've done wrong, other than be born unlike her. She will always get the breaks, the laughs, the camaraderie. I get to be the "load", the "pushy", "bossy" difficult one.
I live in a house where having no expectations is prized, and excitement and dreams are loserish, and lame. I am dumber because I get excited and those things I am excited about are not worth anyone paying attention to. Nobody can put aside their bull shit or lack of enthusiasm to the side to do something with me. I'm not worth it, nor are my plans.
All day I've wanted to throw a glass against a brick wall. I've wanted to scream and rage. I'm in that mood where I want everyone to know my rage and I don't feel like suppressing myself.
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