I just want to go home. I want to go to bed. I want to sleep it all off and hide.
Whenever I think of love or romance, I feel shame and embarrassment. I feel that myself in any romantic environment is laughable and silly. Awkward. Pathetic. Ridiculous. I should be ridiculed. I should be laughed at and ashamed. What a pathetic, flabby baby. I'm silly and I should be laughed at. I should be hurt and crying. I deserve those things. I deserve all of it.
What a ridiculous fucking pig I turned out to be. Unkind, afraid, lazy, washed up and a loser. A loser at 24. Just goes to show you! I'm a liar, a cheat, a brownnoser, a phony, a tattle-tale, cold, selfish, self-indulgent.
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