Friday, April 11, 2014

11:06pm

PMS? I hope so.

Weepy willow over here. Angry at Davis for maybe a reason? Seems to feel there's no problem with me winging out to see him/driving around to visit him. Does he think I am like food? Just order and it arrives? I certainly hope not. I have lingering concern. He doesn't even view the world this way, I believe. I don't know that he considers the underlying unsaids.

I'm feeling clingy and it's so upsetting. As Julie would say, Trigger. I fucking HATE that word.

I'm just scared that what all this means is he doesn't care as much as I do. That I care too much. That caring too much impairs me and any potential relationship goodness.

My impulse is to withhold. But as Sugar says and I took to heart, that makes your heart small, cruel and brittle. It makes you a smaller person. I cannot withhold. It is wrong all around and helps no one.


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