Good gravy, a disaster of my feelings.
I feel like the clingy, boring, obnoxious wench I have been before. It's like trying on the pants I tried on earlier--thinking I was being generous in picking a larger size and realizing it's still not big enough. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the paunch, flab, distress markings and bloat. Then eating cavatelli.
I want him all the time. I want to be with him all the time. When I realize I won't be with him at night, I feel I may cry. I feel that nagging feeling that I care for him more than he does for me. I feel that ultimately I will lose him in the same manner I have in the past. I will be that same woman again. I will be that same, quivering, weakling, insecure whelp. He will sniff me out for the fool that I am and he will be turned off. These are my worries. This is my fear talking.
He said himself he does not view me as one of those girls that I characterized as clingy and overemotional. I have feared I am boring, and not enough.
The true root of my fear is how much I love him. I want to live with him and make a life with him. However, I am more than willing to wait on that and develop further. I am willing to wait for what we may become.
