5:44pm

PUMPED UP KICKS//FOSTER THE PEOPLE

I concede to morning and light a cigarette.  I'm pleased with myself that I remembered the CDs I wanted to listen to for the ride to work today.  I recently re-watched Martin Scorsese's documentary on Fran Lebowitz, Public Speaking and was reminded that I need to get my paws on some Pablo Casals albums.  The flame in Fran's eyes when she describes her love of Casals, listening as a child prompted me to want to know.  What is there to feel?

So I have Pablo Casals' Encores playing and I'm at the big stoplight for Park Blvd. & Roosevelt Rd.  There's an older gentleman, possibly Asian or possibly quite wrinkled in the right turn lane.  I drag languorously on my cigarette and witness his arm across the steering wheel, jumping with... nerves?  lack of hydration?  poor health or stress of some sort.  He grasps at the wheel, eyeing traffic alertly, waiting for his moment to sneak into the eastbound flow.  The red is always long, so I continue to observe his arm.  This calls back to the oral blood clot I found in my mouth the other day.  Scared the shit out of me.  I am trying to quit smoking.  I have to do it.  I just can't gain all the weight...  Sadly, that scares me more than the laundry list of smoking ills.  Old Man seizes opportunity and cranks right. Cars pass; the light is green.

Winding through the north side of my town, the richer side, I come to a five corner stop.  The Lexus SUV lets me go first and I wave thank you, but don't look them in the eye.  I find myself rude.  The era is getting more inherently disingenuous as people can no longer physically face each other, much less look you in the eye.  I even catch myself doing it.  Screens have replaced skins.  This isn't old news, it's still sad news.

This morning my mom told me she was Loretta Young.  With the way she swooned and flourished out the door, I believed her.

Post Script:  There's one person I know that for her own, and the collective health of those around her, must continue to smoke cigarettes.  She's the grand exception.