6:11pm and breaths

I'm so anxious lately it's painful. Like the old days.

I'm 160 lbs. I'm officially overweight. Lose 10 to start with. You can do this. Fruit, yoga, walks. MKE=swimming.

I am so insecure about Davis. Crying now. Worrying I'm contaminating everything with my fears and worries. I have trouble trusting relationships to begin with and especially ones with men whom I love. The inclination to punish. The fear of rejection and not being good enough. My weight, yet again. My heavens am I lucky all I have to do is drop ten to start with. That's not bad at all. Imagine if I was morbid. Good gravy. Or even more. Okay, that's not the point here. The point here is my fear of Davis. I used to be okay and fine and myself and without worries, and now I'm nothing but worries with him. I can't even enjoy myself. I'm constantly second-guessing and obsessing and angry. My stuff needs to be let go. I need to let go of the anger and the desire to hurt. That will not give me joy. That will not satisfy me. I will only break my own heart or erase it. I cannot do this to him. I love him and I cannot hurt him that way. It's cruel and wrong and I know it.

He thinks I'm sexy. He didn't want me to go.

I must stop with the little details nagging in my head. I must. Just trust it will sort itself out and they'll come to you if they want to or feel the need.