10:12pm

"I know I should go.  I know I have a tendency to get involved with unavailable men..."
- Jean, American Psycho  (Mary Harron; 2000)

Spoke to Tipper this evening, and she informed me again of her romantic woes.  Color me completely unsurprised.
She has this longstanding non-romantic romance going with her "friend" Ethan.  They've cuddled, had romantic feelings and sexual tension, but no payoff.  From what I gather, Ethan is doing the typical guy-in-his-early-20s dance: 

• He knows she's into him and cares so,
• He keeps her in the background, just in case
• For the most part, she never hears from him
• But when she does, he tempts her with backpacking through Europe, or
• Knocks down her ambitions and achievements
• Because, "he has trust issues,"
• Because, "his father died five years ago,"
• Because he wants to keep her on the bench until he's ready to put her on the field.
• Because, this allows him to have his cake and eat it too.  No commitment, no accountability, and a sexy, clingy, caring woman he can fall back on until something else comes along.

I've seen it all before.  I've experienced a variant of this before.  I explained to Tipper that he doesn't respect her, he doesn't value her, and if it takes prodding from his mother to string her along... he's nothing more than a scrub.

"But Kit, I know the real him.  He's not like this, he's just in a douchebag phase."

Oh, Tipper.  Why why why do you buy this?  In his heart of hearts he may still be that great guy.  But right now, he's choosing to be Captain Douche.  His choice is who he is.  And for all his potential good, is all this blatant bad worth taking?  My answer is no.  Ultimately, she will deal with this her way and it'll end up in marriage or heartache.  Or both.

This is the trouble with having friends:  you can't tell 'em nothin', you gotta go through everything with 'em.  Considering the serious downgrade I put on this friendship as of two weeks ago-ish, I'm not willing to deal with this with any depth.  Tipper is going to do what she's going to do, and I'm going to (inwardly) say I told you so if I'm around to see its conclusion. 

The Bright Side:  At least she's not talking about Micah anymore.  (The boyfriend she had for 9 mos. who gave her HPV, made her feel like it's her fault despite his dirty rotten scoundrel of a dick around the Hyde College campus.  It's been almost two years since they broke up and she's still sobbing over his preppy skank ass.)

I suppose Lennie Briscoe has it right, "There's no rules about grief." I just wonder, why does it have to be mine?