12:07am

WHY DO I WANT TO WRITE THE FONTANA STORY?

Why does this story need to be told?

What is the story?

"Write the story you want to read." - Maya Angelou

At a basic level, I want to eviscerate Fontana's entire being.  I want it to be public that selfish children posing as adults, like her, exist, and must be held responsible.  The theme of personal responsibility is a major one in my views of the library.  There is no moral accountability, therefore how much truth can there be amongst the ranks?

It's the same issue I take with Judy and her evangelical Christianity.  Not the same Christianity Brand of Darling, whose moral foundation is of love, care, non-judgment.  Of course I cannot get behind non-judgment.  I will never master non-judgment, I do not seek to reject judgment.  Judgment is important.  It's different from being judgmental.  It's auteurship.  It's confidence.  It's depth of thought.  If you do it right.  Serious judgments take serious contemplation, angst, fear, frustration and willingness to be uncomfortable.  These are honorable pursuits.  Whereas with Judy, she hides behind a false sense of certainty, false sense of superiority and results in bullying, nastiness, and lies to herself and everyone else.  A foundation of lies.  When you cling that much to an exterior in place of yourself, you cannot be honest.  You cannot be because you forsake it.  You devalue the painful clarity, the stride in your step gained by the pursuit of personal truth. 

In the case of Fontana, I see a child that is enabled and fearful of her own shadow.  I see a brat and a charlatan of culture and intelligence.  I see a terrible mother and a perpetual whining daughter.  Her claims of victimhood at the hands of her mother could be true.  Her mother could have been horrible.  Her childhood probably scarred her greatly.  This would be an uncommon occurrence.  I see a mooch.  I see Narcissus, albeit less profound a myth.  I see delusion.  I see intellect with a brilliant, electrified VACANCY sign coruscating, bathing it in red.  I see a symbol of a generation.  I see a parable.  A cautionary tale.  A common tale.  An unromantic, anti-sexy tale.

OTHER NOTES: 

I must stop my fear of Garland.  So many people use it, so many experience it and gain from it.  There's nothing wrong with it.  It doesn't make me dumb.  It doesn't make me a fool.  It puts me in touch with another aspect of myself that I cannot access when straight.  It's harmless.  It's just illegal.

I must stop my deference to deference.  I say loudly, I've had it with "being offended".  I say loudly, I've had it with "taking offense".  Fuck you.  Offense isn't a legitimate complaint.  You might be offended, but being offensive isn't a crime.  It can make you a solid asshole.  It can get you labeled negatively by antiquated, Puritan sensibilities.  I can't take forsake my truth or my opinions for the sake of political correctness.  I personally cannot do this anymore.  What I can do instead, is take umbrage.  Somehow that doesn't feel so tacky; is more esteemed.  Sincere.