So depressed I want to crawl into the fetal position and vanish.
Watching Titanic may therefore not be the best idea.
Whenever I hang out with my cousin J I always feel so self-conscious and mortified and embarrassed. I'm crippled with the feeling of embarrassment. I always second-guess what I say, how I behave. I feel rigid and confused. Unsure of who I am or what is expected.
I think I need to realize that it's J and it really doesn't matter if I embarrass myself bc he's my family. If he and T didn't like me, they wouldn't want me over. She wouldn't have stayed up till 4am blabbering with me. I don't know why I get myself into that state with them. I just lock up. I feel completely unsure of any boundaries or normalcy.
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